Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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