Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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