The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
