ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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