I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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