thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Vodka?
Forever.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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