you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
