you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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