You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
