The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
