At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
