hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
