I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize