fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
