ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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