the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You pole danced in your parka.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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