Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize