Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
