My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
