i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
