so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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