i was born a porn star she said
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
