I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
