what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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