I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
