I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
