I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
