No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
