Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
