The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
