yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
