let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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