READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
