and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
