why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
