Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
