I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
