God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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