I could make wine with my vomit
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
