i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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