i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
