dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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