it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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