somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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