I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
