Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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