Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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