I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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