I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize