Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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