You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
