This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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