I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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