and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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