Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
