just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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