whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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