your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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