god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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