you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
