i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
